I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
