The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
