Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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