I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
