I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
