We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
