Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
