I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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