I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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