Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
