an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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