She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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