Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
