remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
