Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
