I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
