Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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