I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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