she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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