do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
why is half of my head shaved?
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