He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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