he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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