dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
