About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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