Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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