I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
