Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
