what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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