If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
