Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just want to make out with him forever
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
