i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
