every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
