You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
