There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
