Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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