Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
