So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
