So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
