He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize