i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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