On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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