So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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