I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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