Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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