i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
