the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
