Got a toothbrush?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
