so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize