Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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