I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
