the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
