my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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