He is an equal opportunity slut.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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