i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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