he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
