I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
