Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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