Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
