ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
