Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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