4 words: hood of his car
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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