don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
