did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
