You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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