so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
