Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
a search helicopter?!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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