small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
