In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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