you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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