Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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