if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
