Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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