I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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