We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
